More than Just Spit-Up and Poopy Diapers

Let's face it, motherhood is not always a piece of cake; and anyone who says otherwise is a complete loon.

I once heard Dorothy Zbornak say on an episode of the "Golden Girls" that, if motherhood were easy, fathers would do it. OK, so maybe Dorothy exaggerated a little, but you get the idea. Motherhood really is hard.

Learning these truths comes by pure immersion. After you deliver your baby, the nurses take care of it in every way except when it comes to feeding. And then once your two days are up, they let you waltz right out the door (well, they let you roll out in a wheelchair) with a tiny, helpless creature. You then take your baby home, and your new lives as Mommy and Daddy begin. One moment, those wonderful nurses are taking such good care of you and your little one; the next, they're feeding you to the wolves.

Those first few nights (and weeks, and well, OK, those first couple of months) are tough. In my case, I was unaware how low my milk supply was at first, and so my poor little baby was practically starving. Needless to say, he cried incessantly those first few nights at home; so much, that King and I felt we had no other choice but to call my mom in the middle of the night so she could try her hand at consoling him. I was incredibly sore and tired, so I tried to nap whenever I could grab a chance. Over time, my nursing issues continued to worsen (which I will cover in another blog post in the near future) and so things around our house didn't settle down until only recently.

Since motherhood can throw lots of curve balls your way, you learn to adjust accordingly. You learn what works and what doesn't. You learn your baby; he learns you. You learn how to do things one-handed, and you learn how to get through the day without your husband there for support. You learn how to time visits, and how to pack a diaper bag. One thing that I have learned very quickly in the short 5 months in which I've been a mom, is that along with spit-up and poopy diapers, motherhood can also present you with a dump-truck load full of guilt. Thoughts of "Am I a bad mother because I ______?" will run through your mind at least a dozen times a day, if not more. I'm proud to say that I am now coming into my own as a new mom. No, I'm not perfect. In fact, that's the whole point of this post. I'm nowhere near perfect when it comes to being a mom, and I'm learning to live with my shortcomings. There are times when I still feel guilty about my mothering decisions; and then there are other times when I shrug my shoulders and move on. Motherhood is about striving to be the best mom you can possibly be, but also realizing that you'll never hit that mark. For me, a sign of good mothering is learning to be comfortable with your best effort.

Last night, I was lying awake in bed after indulging in a little caffeine binge, and I kept thinking about myself as a mother. I had just read an article about Kelly Ripa in an issue of "Good Housekeeping," where she was asked a question about one of her guilty pleasures. She answered the question, but honestly admitted that her "guilty" pleasure really didn't make her feel all that guilty. Inspired by her candidness, I've come up with two lists for myself as a mother: My Guilty Pleasures List and My Not-So-Guilty Pleasures List. This is where the "learning to be comfortable with your best effort" comes into play, and where I'm brutally honest about my own mothering.

My Guilty Pleasures

--I watch a small amount of TV during the day. I know the research about babies and their exposure to television, but I can't help myself. I mainly use it as a substitute for adult interaction. I'm currently watching "The Office" on Netflix. It's background noise that just happens to be ridiculously hilarious!

--I still eat awful-for-you Bethel Dipper cheeseburgers even though I'm not pregnant anymore.

--I sleep in because Ian sleeps in. Most days, we don't get up until at least after 10:00 a.m.

--I have a "Baby on Board" decal on the back windshield of my car. I have become that mom.

--I sometimes find myself feeling relieved that I was unable to breastfeed. It's so nice for others to help out with his feedings, plus it's a joy for me to wear regular bras, tops, camisoles, and dresses again. I absolutely hate these feelings because I desperately wanted to breastfeed and tried every possible measure for 3 months before finally weaning him.

--Since having Ian, I have bought way too many Nook books.

--I kind of enjoy the fact that Ian needs to be rocked and cuddled for his naps. I know he should probably learn to fall asleep on his own (he does this perfectly at night), and I often feel like I should be using that opportunity to get more things done around the house. But sitting with him gives me the chance to relax; plus, it allows me to read all those books I buy for my Nook.

--I still spend way too much time on Facebook, even though most of what I see and read gets on my nerves.

--I let Ian watch me some on the computer and the Nook. It's probably not the best thing for his little eyes, but he's just so captivated by it.

--After Ian was born, I relinquished my duties as cook and gave the job to King, although he usually ends up bringing something home or we eat with family. Most days, neither of us feel like cooking. I feel extremely guilty about this, knowing that Ian will be eating off our plates soon. I don't want the majority of his diet coming from fast food.(But I thoroughly enjoy not cooking.)

--I enjoy the convenience of disposable diapers, even though I know how much better cloth is for my baby's bottom. This is on my things-to-try list.

--I keep a bowl of candy next to my recliner. I've pretty much gotten control of myself, but making it through Halloween, Christmas, and recently Valentine's Day, has been tough.


Now, for my Not-So-Guilty List. These are things that I have struggled with, but have generally stopped giving myself a guilt trip over. I accept these things for what they are, and just let them be.


My Not-So-Guilty Pleasures

--Usually once a week, after my husband gets home from work, I go to Wal-Mart for some grocery shopping. This is part of my "me" time, and I don't rush the trip. I savor the time by myself, and spend more time than I probably should looking at the cosmetics and hair products.

--I let Ian stay in the nursery for 2 hours during church on Sunday mornings. It gives King and me the opportunity to attend our Sunday School class and worship service. Plus, it gives Ian the opportunity to experience new faces.

--I stay up late at night after King and Ian go to sleep so I can veg out. I lay in bed while reading, writing in my new one-sentence journal, or browsing online.

--I love hearing compliments on how Ian is such a sweet, contented baby. It makes me so proud.

--Having a baby now gives me an excuse to read kids' books.

--I want to buy my 5 month-old-son beaucoup books. Toys? Not so much. Just books.

--Sunday mornings are usually the only time I have to really fix myself up and dress nicely. I let King feed, dress, and get Ian's things ready so I can "primp." Sometimes, a girl just needs to primp.

--Even though it feels good to "primp" sometimes, I still have the "new mom" excuse for looking shabby.

--I pestered my husband about buying a subscription to our local newspaper even though he opposed paying the $36 for it. I don't get out much, but I still want to know what's going on!

--I have dressed my son in an outfit that had the teeniest bit of camo on it. And he made it look darn good.

So yes, motherhood is hard. But I feel like I'm now learning that I don't have to make it any harder than it already is. Sometimes, you just have to let things go for the sake of your own sanity, and raise your baby the best way you know how, dealing with the spit-up, poopy diapers, guilt, and all.